Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
