In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
