Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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