Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
