Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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