The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
