Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
