You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
