let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
