I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Someone came in the potted fern
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
is it fun? or sober?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
