if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
