KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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