the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
