A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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