i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
