I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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