He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i dont even know how to be here
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
