Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
