he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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