oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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