I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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