Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
