nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
