note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
