mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
