You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
