So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
