Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
