I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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