i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
