Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
