he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
