my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
