Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
