The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
