The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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