I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
