i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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