Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
