hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
