i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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