I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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