Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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