so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
