I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize