But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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