I skipped work to stalk him.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
