I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i think i just lost a toe
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
