We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
