Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
