can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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