we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
