I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
