There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
