Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
