She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
