there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
