It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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