I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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