We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
