I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
