I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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