I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize