Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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