the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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