His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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