I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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