So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
