Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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