I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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