So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
