mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
