he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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