They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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