I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
