just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize