when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
