Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
