Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
