FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
