you traded sex for a burrito?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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