I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize