just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
