sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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