at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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