Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize