u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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