Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
