Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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