I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
