Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
