Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
