yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
