I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
