i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
