people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
